Let me make this clear: I am an ordinal disrespector. I run Knots on my node, and I am proud of that; yes, Maxi brain doesn’t allow anything other than Bitcoin to fit in this blockhead.
Now that you know my bias, let’s get down to the latest Tamagotchi craze hitting the blockchain.
Ah, the fleeting memory of BRC-20 tokens, the attempt to create a meme-inspired token market on Bitcoin that just so happened to become a billion-dollar market from the belief that inscribing a JSON file on the Bitcoin blockchain meant something?
That was never on my Bingo card, but here we are.
The BRC-20 mint mania had its time in the sun, and as the inevitable supply dilution drowned out interest, the mempool and blockchain returned to their usual traffic.
But for a brief moment, these BRC-20 bros “broke Bitcoin”, Remember those magical days when everyone from your tech-bro neighbour to your ape coin uncle was peddling fungible this-and-thats on the Bitcoin blockchain?
Well, get ready to dust off your finest ironic moustache and neon-trimmed fanny pack because April is here with the Runes protocol, the self-proclaimed “shitcoin forge” we never knew we craved.
Building on the, let’s be honest, rather lukewarm embers of BRC-20; Runes promises to be the glitter glue gun to Bitcoin’s cardboard box. It’s a way to churn out even more delightfully dubious tokens, each with the potential to be the next Dogecoin (emphasis on potential).
“Inscriptions have doubled the size of the UTXO set in just the past year and the majority of those are forever useless”
Casey Rodarmor
The Bitcoin cover charge
Here’s a hidden gem courtesy of the Runes protocol: since you need Bitcoin to play in this particular casino, it’s like a built-in cover charge.
Every Rune transaction requires Bitcoin as a fee, essentially forcing shitcoiners to contribute to the very network they’re cluttering. It’s a Robin Hood situation in reverse – steal from the shitcoins, give to the Bitcoin… rich?
Probably, but there could be shenanigans on the way; with mining pools so keen to support degeneracy, we might see out-of-band transaction markets flooded as users pay for block space with alternative forms of payment, like filthy fiat or shitcoins.
Honesty is the Best Policy (Especially with Shitcoins)
Back in 2017, shitcoining was simple: The mechanism was to send me Bitcoin, ETH or USDT and get back an unregistered security for my startup. If you fell for a sales pitch about how said token would be the decentralised Uber, all you did was transfer the funds, and there was a 50% chance you would get the token in return.
Then, you had an even smaller chance of realising the gains when the app/website and liquidity disappeared. Most of us who got rugged accepted the loss and moved on, repairing our balance sheets by diligently stacking sats throughout the following bear market.
When the 2021 bear and bull cycles rolled around, participants who were coin issuers and token-funded startups shafted didn’t take it on the chin; they took it to court. There were a plethora of lawsuits, and yes, some people got sued for false promises and well-selling unregistered securities to the public.
I think this is why the shitcoin market has moved towards the meme coin; it’s the purest form of the Ponzi play, with no promises, no revolutionary tech, no banking. The poor African kid with the pot belly is just gambling.
As a 2024/25 shitcoiner, it will be hard to argue in court that you were rugged based on sound economic decision-making this time. When you purchased meme coins, you knew what you were getting yourself into, and the absurdity of this market is acting as a regulatory protective measure.
So, if the non-Bitcoin market is already heading in this direction, developers will respond in kind.
This is where Runes comes in. Its sole purpose is a memecoin protocol, which is its killer app.
Unlike those pesky security tokens, Runes makes no promises—it’s pure, unadulterated gambling wrapped in a tired, rehashed digital meme.
More Efficient Spam? We Think?
BRC-20 tokens drove a lot of blockchain bloat over the last year due to their inefficient account-based model, creating forever useless—they are “dead” BRC-20 mint and transfer inscriptions.
Runes do not create a leftover useless UTXO, so that’s one positive, I have to grant them.
Upgrading from BRC-20 to Runes will allow users to spam out different tokens in a single transaction that transfers any Runes from the inputs to the outputs, making trading these tokens on-chain slightly more efficient.
But if it encourages more people to do it versus the BRC-20 handbrake that was one transfer at a time, we’ll return to square one with fee spikes and stuffed mempools.
Despite these improvements, BRC-20 and Runes are still spam transactions; one might be slightly less taxing and annoying for the network, but let’s wait and see, shall we?
Runes claims to be a smaller, more artisanal clog! It might take up slightly less virtual space, but don’t be fooled – this party’s still going to leave the metaphorical bathroom a disaster zone.
“The world of fungible tokens is a near and totally irredeemable pit of deceit and avarice.”
Casey Rodarmor
Node… What Node?
Runes claims to incentivise running nodes, which is fantastic news for the health of the Bitcoin network. After all, if you want to mess on-chain, the least you can do is fork out to support the network you’re spamming.
However, the cynics among us (and let’s be honest, there are a few) might question the motives of those rushing to become Rune node operators.
Is it pure altruism, or is there a more… lucrative… reason lurking in the shadows?
Off-Chain Shenanigans: The Great Escape (That Probably Won’t Work)
Don’t fancy your glorious memecoin dragging down the already overburdened blockchain? Runes promises the ability to take your digital beanie babies off-chain for some truly decentralised day trading.
Since Runes is based on the UTXO model, it could be mimicked on Bitcoin “Layer 2s” like Liquid, Lightning or even Statechains like MercuryLayer. Theories are one thing, someone still has to attempt to dev support for that, and dev’ing costs money, so someone needs to fund it.
LND already have its taproot assets protocol, so why would they bother?
However, if Rune traders learn about L2s and off-chain scaling, it might drive more liquidity and user adoption of second layers, which, to me, isn’t bad. Again, that’s me seeing the silver lining.
In reality, I think it will be scaling through send to my multi-sig; I will unlock Runes on my shitcoin chain bridges will be the primary point of going off-chain.
Now, whether this “escape” actually solves the problem or creates a whole new set of issues remains to be seen. After all, who maintains these off-chain playgrounds, and how secure are they from hackers’ grubby mitts?
The backing of the influencer industrial complex
If you hit up Txitter or YouTube and type in the term “runes” or “runes Bitcoin” you’ll find some blockchain buffoon, I like to call a “Runetard”, shilling the upcoming launch, glorifying the protocol, when they don’t know the difference between a protocol or an API call.
Dude, you’re literally reading a CoinDesk article; we can see it on the screen, lol. WTF?
This band of attention-seeking, useful idiots are already starting to promote Runes.
So we all know what is going to happen; despite Runes being an obvious rug-pull technology, we will find Runetards shilling it to the high heavens.
Get ready for your social media feeds to be flooded with a tsunami of Lambo dreams, dubious financial advice, and enough emojis to make your head spin.
Runes are the new hotness in the influencer industrial complex, which means the rest of the shitcoin market is about to experience a content drought. Brace yourselves for weeks of recycled moon memes and “not financial advice” disclaimers plastered across every other post.
So why is it a positive, you ask?
Well, like it or not, these social media simpletons have sway over the public, and their appetite for Runes will likely see liquidity move away from the blockchain space towards Bitcoin.
I hope the public will be encouraged to engage with the Bitcoin blockchain, wallets, and nodes and learn more about the ecosystem rather than get distracted by my blockchain fast and buy my coin pitches.
Call me an eternal optimist.
Runetard today, Bitcoin maxi tomorrow
Runes seem like the new right of passage for those who think they missed the Bitcoin bus and want to try their luck at 1000x’ing; while this should be a dream left for kiddos, you’re an adult; make your own decisions.
If you’re throwing your hard-earned cash into the swirling vortex of a shitcoin casino, thinking the odds are stacked in your favour because of the “fair mint” boy, are you going to be in for a surprise when it comes time to take your money and run.
The potential for epic gains is there, but it’s reserved for a select few, so the potential to lose your shirt should be weighted much higher if you’re planning to chase capital flows in this latest gold rush.
Just remember, entering the Rune ecosystem is akin to attending Coachella—there will be highs and lows, and there’s a strong possibility you’ll wake up the next morning with a vague sense of regret and a phone full of incriminating photos or, in this case, Runestones.
So, there you have it, folks! Runes – the Coachella of shitcoins, a euphoric mess that promises to be the hottest topic (for about a cycle) before fading into the ever-growing graveyard of forgotten crypto fads.
Anyone shilling Runes, remember Counterparty? I didn’t think so, and that is exactly my point.
