The market looks somewhat frothy these days; the semblance of a banana zone is forming, which usually turns into a come-and-get-the-bag plea to all the Bitcoin tourists.
Everyone and their hairdresser is starting to talk about Bitcoin, and it’s deeply concerning for me as a humble pleb who has been around for a few cycles.
I’ve seen this story play out before, and it doesn’t end well for the majority, but with so much shilling going, my warnings will likely fall on deaf ears.
Bitcoin will likely keep trending upwards over the coming months, and for those who had the foresight to accumulate during the crab market, you need not do anything other than secure your funds and enjoy the realisation that the market is finally starting to revalue your position.
Your thesis was on point, so go out and enjoy your life.
Now, for the rest coming in, they don’t feel they have the luxury of time, or they’re just here to get rich quick, and by all means, FOMO in, you do you booboo, it’s your money to do with as you please.
This newly minted Bitcoin enthusiast aims to try and compress returns into this next 12-month period by maximising exposure to volatility and usually mispricing downside risk by epic proportions.
Mistaking a bull market for being Lisan Al Gaib
So, how do you ramp up returns in a Bitcoin bull market? Well, you can play with options, you could deal in synthetic options on bitcoin volatility in the form of shitcoins, or you can borrow up to your tits and leverage long on NGU.
Option plays and shitcoin trading has its own complications, but leverage is easy to understand;
I put down a figure; I get to bet 1-10-100 times that figure, and if NGU, I cash out big time; LFG, boys!!
Sounds simple enough, right? And that’s likely all the research due diligence retail does before longing the paycheque millennial YOLO style.
Let’s face it:
When it comes to trading Bitcoin, there are two types of people: those who think they can get rich by betting big and those who know they’ll probably lose it all but are still willing to gamble anyway.
If you’re the second type—hey, more power to you! But if you’re in the first group, I’ve got some bad news:
You’re probably going to lose everything.
That said, there’s an art to losing it all in style. If you’re looking to completely destroy your portfolio and take down your financial future along with it, then trading Bitcoin with leverage is your golden ticket.
Today, I’ll walk you through this scientific method of portfolio obliteration—step-by-step—so you, too, can learn how to lose money like a professional and have a story to throw up on Wall Street Bets subreddit.
Step 1: Get Super Excited About Bitcoin’s Wild Price Swings
Before we get into the mechanics of how to lose everything, you need to first get really hyped about Bitcoin.
I mean, who wouldn’t be?
The price is like a roller coaster—except this roller coaster has no seatbelts, a broken track, and it’s on fire. But hey, it’s going up, right?
Bitcoin’s volatility is legendary.
It’s gone from $1 to $60,000 to $16,000 (and then back to $30,000), which means that just about anyone can make a fortune if they time things right.
But here’s the thing: timing the market is harder than trying to predict the weather in a hurricane, and if you try to trade Bitcoin on leverage, you’re basically inviting the storm to wipe you out.
Step 2: Open an Account with a Leverage-Friendly Exchange
Now that you’re absolutely certain Bitcoin is going to the moon (or perhaps to the $100k mark, if you read enough memes), it’s time to open an account on one of those shiny exchanges that let you trade Bitcoin with leverage.
The higher the leverage, the better, right?
I mean, who needs a conservative 2x leverage when you can trade with 10x, 50x, or even 100x leverage? The more you borrow, the more you stand to make—or, you know, lose.
Here’s where things start getting fun.
With leverage, you don’t need to own the full amount of Bitcoin to make massive trades. You can control a huge position with a fraction of your own money, which sounds like a recipe for success, right?
Well, let me put it this way: it’s also the perfect way to lose your shirt, your shoes, and your dignity in one go.
Step 3: Forget About Risk Management (and Logic)
You’ve got a big leverage position in Bitcoin, the price is moving like crazy, and you’re feeling pretty good about it. The key now is to forget any kind of risk management strategy.
Don’t bother setting stop-loss orders or limiting your losses. After all, this time will be different. You’ll definitely be able to exit your position in time before the price crashes, right?
Here’s a fun fact: Bitcoin’s price can plummet by 10%, 20%, or even 50% in a matter of hours or days. If you’ve got a leveraged position and Bitcoin suddenly takes a nosedive, you’ll be forced to liquidate your position at a significant loss. And if you’re using 50x leverage, a 2% drop in the price of Bitcoin will wipe you out entirely.
But don’t worry—you’ll still be able to tell your friends you “held through the crash.”
Of course, you won’t have any Bitcoin left to actually tell them about it.
Step 4: Let Emotions Drive Your Trades
One of the key ingredients to portfolio destruction is letting your emotions control your trading decisions.
If Bitcoin has a crazy 5% run-up in a few minutes, go ahead and double down. After all, the price is only going to keep going up, right?
Don’t worry about what the chart says, what the news says, or what any rational person would advise.
You’ve got the feeling that Bitcoin is on a tear, and you’re going to ride it all the way to the top… or, more realistically, all the way to the bottom.
On the flip side, if Bitcoin tanks suddenly, that’s the time to panic and sell everything! Get out before it goes lower, even though history shows that those who panic tend to sell at the very bottom of the market, only to watch Bitcoin shoot up 30% the next day.
Trading Bitcoin with leverage isn’t just about understanding the charts—it’s about letting your emotions run wild. Who needs a clear head when you’ve got your heart racing and your finger on the “buy” button?
Step 5: Never Take Profits. Just Keep Chasing the Next High
Bitcoin has just soared by 10% in a few minutes, and you’ve got a massive leveraged position. Now, you could take some profits off the table and reduce your risk.
But where’s the fun in that?
You’re in it for the big one, the moonshot. The moment you take profits, you’re not part of the “elite” group of traders who are holding through thick and thin, right?
No, no, no. Don’t take profits.
Just keep holding, hoping that the price will climb higher and higher. After all, it always goes up… until it doesn’t.
And when Bitcoin crashes back down (and it will crash down), you’ll find yourself staring at a huge margin call and a massive negative balance.
But at least you held on, right?
That’s all that matters, right?
Step 6: Ignore the Entire Concept of Diversification
Look, we get it.
You’re here for the gains, bro; Bitcoin just happens to be the asset of choice.
It’s a one-trick pony kind of situation, and why would you want to bother with stocks, bonds, or—gasp—index funds? Diversification is for the weak, right?
You’re going all-in on Bitcoin. Forget about managing risk, and put every penny you have (and probably a few more borrowed dollars) into one volatile asset.
When Bitcoin’s price moves in your favour, you’ll be swimming in profits (which will probably disappear as quickly as they came). But when it crashes—because it will crash—you’ll have no safety net.
You’ve put all your eggs in one basket, and that basket is currently plummeting toward the earth at terminal velocity.
But hey, at least it’s Bitcoin, right? Saylor said it’s going up forever, Laura, so you can’t lose!
Step 7: Wait for the Inevitable Margin Call
Here it comes: The margin call.
You’ve bet the farm on Bitcoin with leverage, and now the price is moving against you.
If you’re using enough leverage, the exchange will start selling your Bitcoin on your behalf to cover your position.
This is called liquidation, and it’s the final act in the play where you lose everything.
You can cry, you can swear, but you’ll still be left with an empty portfolio and a lingering sense of regret.
But hey, it was a great learning experience, right? At least you’ve got that!
Buying the dips; created by overextended rips
Before you kick stones and wallow in self-pity with that woe-is-me attitude, take solace in knowing you’re part of how the market works. When leverage traders get too overconfident and over their skis, things usually turn around.
Leverage is a force multiplier going up, so too is it going down, and when it wipes people out, it does so with extreme prejudice.
It’s through people who do leverage that Bitcoin stackers like myself can secure some cheap Bitcoin for our DCA or that speculative limit order that’s been hanging about for some time.
You gave us the gift of cheap sats, and I would like to thank you for your service.
Don’t Try This at Home, or you’ll lose your home.
Trading Bitcoin with leverage can make for a thrilling roller coaster ride—but don’t be surprised if you end up with a face full of dirt at the bottom of the hill.
Remember: leverage amplifies both gains and losses. It’s a high-stakes game, and most people don’t walk away with a profit. If you really want to destroy your portfolio, ignore these simple tips: trade Bitcoin on 100x leverage and watch the fireworks.
Or, you know, you could just stick to a more balanced investment strategy or just hodl—your call.
Stay smart, stay safe, and remember: portfolio destruction is a lot easier than portfolio building!
